Art imitates life, and sometimes life imitates art, and sometimes that art is a cartoon. Remember that Regular Show episode with Grill ‘Em Up, a super-hardcore food truck that makes headlines with a super rare “no-holds-barred style of burger” made with rare Himalayan ketchup and so exclusive they only offer it every hundred years? The cartoon itself is a reference to Los Angeles’s heavy metal burger truck Grill ‘Em All, but a new truck on the block manages to embody that cartoonish extremeocity even more. Enter NYC’s Pentagram-emblazoned 666 Burger, the brainchild of event producer “Supreme Commander” Franz Aliquo (who has previously realized off-the-wall endeavors like StreetWars and Rental Car Rally). Its locations are secret and its menu is simple: the basic 666 Burger, the Cajun-spiced Beelzeburger, and the Satan Burger stuffed with a pat of butter ready to explode in your mouth. No vegetarian options and only potato buns (because “fuck brioche buns,” says their Facebook page.) As basic as basic can be.
Then, there’s the Douche Burger. It’s a whole lot more, and it will cost you. But why go into details ourselves when Aliquo can describe it for us:
The Douche Burger costs $666.00 and consists of a fucking burger filled and topped with rich people shit. Kobe beef patty (wrapped in gold leaf), foie gras, caviar, lobster, truffles, imported aged gruyere cheese (melted with Champagne steam) kopi luwak bbq sauce and Himalayan rock salt. It may not taste good, but it will make you feel rich as fuck. Douche.
In a report from Oddity Central, Aliquo elaborates further, noting that part of the price goes towards the burger’s wrapping – three hundred dollar bills, so that “When you are done with it you’ll have three greasy hundred dollar bills and have to decide what to do with them.” In other words, the ultimate douche move.
With a $666 price tag and ingredients like gold leaf and kopi luwak bbq sauce (and there’s that Himalayas buzzword again), it certainly knocks Serendipity 3’s latest bid for Most Expensive Burger out of the water. Celebrity shout-outs from excess-loving rock stars like Tommy Lee certainly haven’t hurt, either. But why veer so far away from the rest of the menu’s meat-centric austerity? Publicity, obviously (and it’s working), but there’s more to it than that. This is not the most expensive burger in the world – this is just a
tribute send-up. A very real and orderable one, but a statement all the same on how silly the whole Guinness Record race really is. The burger truck’s Facebook page says it all:
For you kids just joining us thanks to the Douche Burger...
First of all, it is real.
The point is that putting all this crap on top of a burger doesn’t make it taste any better and it is contrary to the essence of a burger. It’s simple to pile a bunch of expensive stuff on a burger and charge a fuckload for it.
We have an unbridled disgust for these types of burgers and seething anger towards those that make them and try to sell them as something fancy and worthy of respect, when in essence, it’s just a chef/customer being a douchebag. Call a spade a spade.
Nicely put. So order one if you’re so inclined (and let us know how it is -- we’re morbidly curious about how a gold-leafed hamburger patty would actually taste), but know that your servers will be laughing at you. Then maybe order an actual burger worth its Himalayan rock salt.